In the Signal recently David Gauny, candidate for City council, revealed that his speech on February 27h at a rally organized by Save Our State (“SOS”), the sponsors of the now controversial rally involving Bob Kellar earlier this year, would be a “surprise.” Well, early this morning I found under my welcome mat the following typewritten document that purports to be a draft of this “surprise” speech. (I don’t know who left it but I thought I glimpsed an extremely buff young man darting into the paseo. Was that you Johnny Pride?) Here is what was written on the papers.
Greetings on this fine day to all of my fellow citizens of the SCV. Well, at least to Berta Gonzalez Harper who seems to be edging towards Magic Mountain Parkway and getting ready to make a break for it, and George Runner who is making a list of the staffers he is going to fire because they told him this was an anti-tax rally. But a hearty shout out to all our friends from Fillmore, the AV, Hesperia and other spots used as locations in that most excellent and under rated film “The Book of Eli.” (That Mila Kunis is HOTTTT!!!!!!)
When I began this campaign for City Council I based my strategy on a three legged stool. Hospital-Bad. Frank Ferry-Bad. My Hair-EXCELLENT. But now I realize that I can build a piece of furniture with many legs, something that occurs when you lose the instructions for that thing you bought from IKEA that looked good in the store.
In addition to ignoring the terrible problem that we speak about today, Tim Myers lent me his most recent copy of the Economist and I am shocked and outraged at the other profound problems our current City Council ignores and that I will seek to address once I ascend to that rarefied place on Valencia Boulevard, to wit:
- The Greek sovereign debt crisis;
- The actions of the Sinhalese majority against the Tamil minority in Sri Lanka;
- The disputed presidential election in Ukraine; and
- The succession of Vice President “Goodluck Jonathan” to the presidency of Nigeria. (I’m not sure that even I believe that is an issue we should address but I really wanted to say that name.)
And Mr. Myers assures me that once I take my exalted place he will continue to lend me his Economist to be used as a roadmap for future City Council business.
But right now as the dinner hour approaches I would like to offer our friends from the desert a small repast before they return home. I have brought five loaves and two fishes. That should be plenty.
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