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July 17, 2013· santaclarita.com · SantaClarita.com (SCVTalk 5.0) · Wayback capture

As Vigil Date Approaches, Law Enforcement, City prepare for riots from deported homeless

A senior law enforcement source at the Sheriff's Station says the City of Santa Clarita is planning a city-wide tactical alert ahead of tomorrow's planned candelight vigil in Valencia for slain Florida teenager Trayvon Martin.

The Deputy, who asked not to be named in this exclusive report to SCVTalk, says that "chatter" detected clandestinely by intelligence analysts at the SCV's Sheriff's Station elite Crime Prevention Unit indicates that masses of homeless and minority people the City bused out of Santa Clarita in 2004 will return to Santa Clarita tomorrow during the vigil to, in the words of the Deputy, "take revenge on us all."

The City of Santa Clarita came under fire in 2003 and 2004 when it rounded up hundreds, perhaps thousands of indigent, poor, darkly colored and otherwise undesirable people, placed them on Santa Clarita Transit buses, and dropped them off in various parts of Los Angeles, including Skid Row and, oddly, a National Guard Armory in Sylmar.

"Our detectives learned a few months ago that these homeless folks have been holding a grudge against this community for nearly 10 years after they were given a free ride out of town in our air conditioned and comfortable coaches," the Deputy told SCVTalk.

Image not recoveredhum_boldt_homeless_man.jpg
After being deposited like refuse at locations in downtown LA, North Hollywood and Sylmar, intelligence officials with the CPU believe those deemed by the City unfit to live in Santa Clarita banded together, forming an underground but organized and disciplined group, divided themselves into "strike cells" and hatched detailed plans to strike back at the City they had once called home.

"At this time we don't know if these cells of homeless and darkly-pigmented people are just taking advantage of the Martin/Zimmerman case to make their move or if they planned their mayhem ahead of time to strike at the SCV in the heat of summer," the Deputy continued. "Whatever the case, we'll be prepared."

Caption: A homeless, unkempt and dark man, formerly of the SCV, reacts angrily as Santa Clarita officials drop him off at an undisclosed location in Los Angeles in 2004. Officials fear men and women like the one above may be planning to strike back at the SCV tomorrow.
Officials with the CPU aren't sure how the colorful herd of deported and poorly-groomed migratory peoples will get here, but as part of their tactical alert training, CPU Deputies will be keeping an eye out for hitchhikers, people in or near the river area most SCV residents call the "wash", those who lay about in public parks for too long, and all public transit riders leading up to the vigil.

News of the planned tactical alert and the invasion of former SCV homeless people spread like wildfire on SCV social networks late Wednesday, confirming the fears of many that holding a simple and symbolic vigil for a slain 17 year old would invite "those people" to strike at the SCV.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm locking up my house tonight and keeping my family and Mr. Remington here real close," said one man on Facebook, referring to his wife, children, and shotgun. "We moved out here in 1994 to escape from those people and after we finally got rid of them in 2004, these liberal bleeding hearts are practically rolling out the red carpet for them," he said, referring to the small group planning to hold a vigil for Trayvon Martin tomorrow.

Deputies at the CPU said that an invasion of exiled former SCVers has long been feared inside the department, but that the City, the CPU and business groups put a plan in place to protect the SCV's fair residents, its pristine & tree-lined boulevards, and premium shopping, dining and entertainment establishments from those who obviously don't belong here.

"Our valley is naturally fortified by Providence with beautiful mountain defenses, peopled with good, salt-of-the-earth, church-going families who wouldn't harm a flee, but unfortunately, in this day and age that also makes us a prime target for the others who live south of the 91321," the Deputy said.

"We will be prepared; the good people of Santa Clarita have nothing to fear," the Deputy concluded.

The vigil is planned for tomorrow night at 5-7pm at the corner of Valencia & McBean in the heart of master planned Valencia.



In case it's not obvious, the above article is satire. It is not real. There is no plan to strike the SCV tomorrow on behalf of deported homeless people. Actually the plan to deport homeless people, as far as I know, only made it to the planning stage before the City backed off in the face of relentless and justified criticism. Also, SantaClarita.com and this blog, SCVTalk, are not affiliated in any way with the City of Santa Clarita, santa-clarita.com, or the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department. 


As Vigil Date Approaches, Law Enforcement, City prepare for riots from deported homeless

Comments (34)

  1. crazzzyytalkWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 5:25 pm
    You might want to label this as a joke as some will not read it as such and will cause the soccer moms to get in a fit.
  2. Timothy Myers, Sr.Wednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 5:41 pm
    No doubt this had to be labelled as satire or else there are some folks that would think it was real.
  3. kfpWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 6:48 pm
    Brilliant.
  4. IHeartSCVWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 7:03 pm
    You found it brilliant, I found it meh-ish: a bit heavy-handed, incoherent, and single-voiced. You've written better. Yes, Santa Clarita has a deep and mock-able fear of "the other", but I feel this didn't exactly all come together.
  5. MikeWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 7:11 pm
    Why so sour?
  6. IHeartSCVWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 7:16 pm
    I feel like a lot of times with "satire" people want to call it brilliant or wickedly insightful or something as code for "I get the joke". I'm not being sour, I just didn't find this piece "successful" and decided to disagree with the commenter. That's all. As you know, I have a deep and abiding love for the writings of Mr. J-to-the-Wilson. Usually.
  7. MikeWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 7:26 pm
    So you're saying the comments are one big NPR/hipster laugh? Ok, but it was a bigger-than-normal "Ha!" It's got layers. It also came at the perfect time. I mean, we *just* had a commenter pull out the retro "outside agitator" line to refer to no less a dinosaur than the NAACP.
  8. IHeartSCVWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 8:12 pm
    OK, so the core of the memorial is outrage that Trayvon was approached and engaged and shot because someone assumes he’s different/doesn’t belong/is up to no-good. And the core of the homeless bit is the irony of Santa Clarita being invaded by the very element it tried to export And it’s satirical because Jeff parallels the gated community with Santa Clarita's mountainous defenses and he makes it so the homeless are coming to a Memorial and we’re assuming the worst and preparing to engage them despite the fact there’s been no dialogue, shades of the Trayvon case. Fine. It’s just I don’t think some of these premises work together, and the beating over the head with race is too much. Unless Jeff has another "layer" where he's ridiculing letting the actions of a few (6 jurors/few Signal commenters) color the portrayal of many (whole races/all of Santa Clarita). I get the points he's making, it just didn't work for me. That's all. Really.
  9. MikeWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 8:32 pm
    I think, more than anything in particular, he's mocking the attitude in the KHTS thread on Facebook. It was a low-key post for what's pitched as a low-key event (vigil, not rally, not protest) and the comments immediately went to a very bad place. Lots of them, with people using their real names and pictures – quite a difference from the same 7 or 8 anonymous cranks on The Signal. Jeff can speak for himself (or not) but this piece seemed to have very little to do with the Zimmerman trial itself, but the paranoid, wild, overblown and (often) racist reaction to news of the vigil.
  10. IHeartSCVWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 9:55 pm
    Well that's even more unsatisfying.
  11. MikeWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 9:56 pm
    How so?
  12. JeffWilsonWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 10:17 pm
    I didn't really want to touch the Zimmerman trial outcome, mostly because I have nothing intelligent to say. But if you haven't read the facebook thread I linked to in the Daily Brief, then you should. That's what I was mocking. This place was built on white flight during the racially turbulent 1970s; some folks literally feel like they escaped the dead and decaying urban, racially-tense cities for a master planned, green paradise that, by the way, had a brand new freeway and fresh, cheap water flowing into it. Many of the SCVers who first moved here in the 70s were probably the type of folks Nixon referred to as the "Silent Majority." And like Nixon they carried boatloads of resentments with them, resentment we still see today. But boy was it on display in that facebook thread. Young, old, female, male, you name it! People were saying Shame on you KHTS for promoting this prayer vigil (organized, by the way, but one of our favorite City Council characters, the odd yet endearing Carole Lutness, a sort of liberal mirror of Petz) , saying that by publicizing it, people from Compton might come up here and do violence. Sorry but I can't let that pass without comment so I had to mock it in some way. Admittedly I wrote it fast and the plot could have been better. I did toss in something for you though I Heart because I <3 your skills and verbal acuity. A few weeks ago you said that what you called "plants" everyone else simply called "fuel." I have the same feeling about the "wash" where bad things go down, and the Santa Clara River, which is a wild and interesting place, and I find it a little sad that people just call it the wash, like it's dirty or the place where refuse ends up.
  13. kfpWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 8:01 pm
    I get the joke. Brilliant.
  14. InkGigoloWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 6:49 pm
    Hahahahahahahahahahaha ... Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Wait ... it's just a joke?
  15. hsiawenWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 6:54 pm
    Yes! Masses unite. Tomorrow we take back this town for the colorful people!
  16. scvmommaWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 7:47 pm
    WOW WTF santa clarita. com/ You allow this bull**** to be posted on your site. Soccer Moms will freak out @crazyytalk... ya think. My daughter works right where this is to occur and gets out at 5 pm and you think this is funny?? I am soooooooooooooooo disgusted by this . You want to instill terror int the hearts of SCV residence? I am done with this site. How dare you make my heart skip a beat for your own amusement SHAME SHAME SHAME ON YOU . Obviously you are not a parent or a responsible, sane, sober individual.Your word have impact, you should choose them wisely. Yes blogs are ment for people to share their opinions and views, but this crosses a line
  17. ErinWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 7:53 pm
    ...and with that comment the entire point was proved.
  18. KLBWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 8:02 pm
    SCV Talk is Jeff's baby. He's been doing SCV Talk since 2006. He's "quit" a few times, but thankfully he always comes back. He's been doing satirical posts for as long as I can remember. To me, they've always clearly been a joke. Don't change a thing, Jeff. I've loved your site from the first time I stumbled upon on it back in 2006 as a new SCV resident searching for a Japanese market in the SCV. So weird that a Google search for sashimi and a Japenese market would hit on your site. I'm so glad it did. And by the way, Jeff is a parent.
  19. JeffWilsonWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 11:12 pm
    Awww thanks KLB. I miss seeing you on Apple Street. Hope you're doing well :)
  20. KLBWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 11:43 pm
    Awww, thanks. I’m doing pretty good. Well? Good? Eh, you know what I mean. I miss the Apple Street townhouse and the complex. We bought a house in 2010 and turned the townhouse into a rental. I love being in a house with a big yard for my dogs, but I really did love the Apple Street complex. I sold the townhouse in March. I’m still in Newhall, but on the complete opposite end of Newhall. You know how the Apple Street complex was crawling distance form Valencia? I’m now crawling distance from Canyon Country. Oh the horror. Kidding. Remember the little stray cattle dog? He’s still happily living with the lady next door to my dad. Congrats on becoming a dad! And thanks for bringing SCV Talk back.
  21. Katherine A RichWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 9:29 pm
    The initial post caught my eye...but the tone of the article screamed "satire." Whew, I would hate to have to fend off all those homeless people.
  22. mikecWednesday, July 17th, 2013 at 11:42 pm
    This doesn't excuse your lack of comic-con coverage!
  23. VAGOSThursday, July 18th, 2013 at 5:46 am
    FUCM send them back to Compton
  24. evitalc31Thursday, July 18th, 2013 at 7:16 am
    I can see how some people might find this article offensive. Satire it may be but to those that just quickly scan through...it will not appear as a joke so it should be labeled. Some people are more sensitive than others and there is nothing wrong with that. I am not a soccer mom. I find myself a strong and sensitive person and all I got from this article was "meh."
  25. blutoFriday, July 19th, 2013 at 12:14 pm
    I can't believe the ass-kissing on this site. Jeff posts something that's not funny at all, some one notes that it's not funny, Mike has to ask 3 or 4 times for an explanation of why the poster thinks it's not funny while other suck-ups call it brilliant.
  26. MikeFriday, July 19th, 2013 at 3:03 pm
    Hey deano
  27. InkGigoloSaturday, July 20th, 2013 at 3:16 pm
    Hi Deano, RP here. lol
  28. evitalc31Friday, July 19th, 2013 at 2:36 pm
    I didn't noticed the ass-kissing. I rarely respond to the posts that generate a lot of criticisms and arguing.
  29. blutoFriday, July 19th, 2013 at 8:15 pm
    Hey, mike Do you see what I'm talking about? This site is better for local news than the Signal, but c'mon, there's nothing here rivaling Hemingway prose. The article is just not funny, and this area was founded on affordable homes, not 'white flight' like Jeff and Myers want everyone to believe. My relatives moved out here in '66. They weren't fleeing angry blacks, they were bragging about the house they got for the money they spent compared to the SFV. But don't let facts ruin a good story.
  30. MikeSaturday, July 20th, 2013 at 8:11 pm
    Humor doesn't play as evenly as other things, it never will. For some this was completely unfunny, for others, it was hilarious. Maybe some other time.
  31. evitalc31Saturday, July 20th, 2013 at 6:59 am
    I enjoyed your response. I look at message boards of a city as a way to get local news that the local papers overlook. I do know that a few people stopped interacting on this forum due to this particular post. Quite a few individuals don't get, don't want to get or are just plain offended by satirical articals/stories. So probably a message forum isn't the best place for something like this. While it doesn't bother me, it has turned off a few people here who gave valuable information about SCV and that bums me out.
  32. evitalc31Sunday, July 21st, 2013 at 7:05 am
    That is correct. It reminds me of when I was in college taking a Spanish literature course. We were reading Don Quixote which is a satire about a mentally ill man. Cervantes' father had been part of the movement is Spain called the "Cradle of Psychiatry" so Cervantes was very well-versed in mental illness. Because of I had a mentally ill father, I didn't find the story funny. While everyone else in class was laughing, I was not. It hit too close to home. Years later, I still don't find it funny but I can at least understand why others thought it was. So humor is very much like art...in the eye of the beholder.
  33. LoriMonday, July 22nd, 2013 at 4:39 pm
    The Quijote is not funny because of the mental illness, but, rather, poignant in that Quijote points out truths that everyone else misses, and, thus, turns the table on, and challenges the definition of, who truly is mentally ill, and who is mentally stable.
  34. evitalc31Monday, July 22nd, 2013 at 7:37 pm
    I know this now but when I was a young woman, I just didn't see it that way. I since have read El Vidriero which is excellent. It is very serious about a man who thinks he is made of glass and very mentally ill.

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