A group calling itself “Low Density – High Dignity SCV” announced Thursday that it would formally file a lawsuit against the City of Santa Clarita’s One Valley One Vision master plan for what it called a “ghoulish high density cemetery plan.”
The group -consisting of scores of residents from Newhall, Valencia, Canyon Country and Saugus- said the OVOV plan represents an unacceptable increase in high density cemetery stacking.
“We moved to Santa Clarita first and foremost because no one lived out here and because we wanted to escape the San Fernando Valley,” an elderly gentleman said at a press conference at City Hall. “But now these out-of-touch City Planners want their high density dreams to follow us right into the afterlife!” he shouted.
A map from the OVOV Planning document shows corpse density requirements throughout the SCV's various communities
Buried in a subsection of the City’s Land Use document -itself a part of the 8000+ page OVOV plan- is an obscure reference mandating an increase in the density of cemetery plots throughout the City of Santa Clarita.
“As the population of the living increases throughout the One Valley One Vision planning area, a corpse density increase of 4.0 will need to be made at the valley’s numerous burial grounds to account for population increases of the inanimated,” the document says on page 1,427.
Currently the number of inanimate corpses allowed per burial plot in the SCV is 2.0. Husbands are allowed to be buried atop wives; children, however, need to be buried in a separate plot, and family pets are not allowed to be buried with human corpses at all.
Under the new OVOV plan, which is currently under intense debate at City Hall, cemetery plot density will be increased by 4.0 corpses per plot, so that entire families can be buried together along with pets. The document says the increased density will allow for one acre of in-fill cemetery land to house 1,200 inanimate corpses, rather than 200 under the old plan.
“In order to make the best use of open space in the One Valley One Vision planning area, corpses shall be stacked atop one another until a maximum density of six corpses per cemetery plot is reached,” the document continues.
A graphic from the City's OVOV planning document shows existing corpse stacking regulations on the left. Two corpses are buried atop one another. The new Six Corpse Stack rule, shown on the right, increases the amount of bodies a cemetery plot can hold.
The so-called Six Corpse Stack has outraged community members.
“Jake’s Way wasn’t enough. The high density condos of Newhall and Valencia weren’t enough. Even the build out of Mayo Hospital didn’t satisfy these high density evangelists. Now we’ll be packed like sardines even when we’re dead,” said Edna Prendergast of Canyon Country on Low Density – High Dignity’s Facebook page.
City planners note that many other communities facing space issues have implemented corpse stacking in public and private cemeteries. And they note that corpse stacking will only be required in so-called “infill” areas. Lower density cemetery plots will still be available on the outskirts of town.
Planning Director Paul Brotzmann says the residents are misinformed. “What we’re trying to do with One Valley One Vision is manage an orderly and smart build-out of the SCV not just for half a million living people, but also their dead loved ones.”
He continued. “If we didn’t implement corpse stacking, it’s possible there will be low density cemeteries stretching out across Santa Clarita’s beautiful hillsides. The new rule is just a better, more efficient use of space. ”
Special standards districts, like those in Placerita and Sand Canyon, will be exempt from the Six Corpse Stack rule. Noting the special character and history of these areas, Brotzman said residents there can be buried on land on their own ranches, individually or alongside their families, horses or farm & barnyard animals if they wish.
Other members of Low Density – High Dignity say they’re concerned that increased corpse density may lead to more crime. Local business owner Atom! Freeman of Newhall’s Brave New World comic book shop said corpse stacking can have terrible safety implications.
“Just as we see that high density clusters increase crime in living populations, so too do high density cemetery plots,” Freeman said. “During a zombie apocalypse scenario, the living will be quickly overrun and consumed by thousands of reanimated corpses clawing their way out of these high density cemetery plots.”
Freeman said that zombie researchers who have studied the matter have concluded that low density cemetery plots like the ones Santa Claritans are buried in now offer a much lower level of risk in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
“It’s simply a matter of numbers. It’s much easier to organize against 200 zombies than it is to fight off zombie swarm of 1,200. Let the San Fernando Valley keep their high density cemetery plots; the SCV should remain low density.” Freeman said.
The OVOV plan is currently under public review, with the City Council expected to vote on it by Spring 2011. Low Density – High Dignity SCV said it will seek a declaratory injunction against OVOV in San Fernando Valley Superior Court by October 31.
Happy Halloween!
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